We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
