If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This is the high leading the old right now
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
