how do flat chested girls get laid?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How does it feel to date your dad?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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