He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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