Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm eating all of the evidence.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
