Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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