Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We had sex on a dog bed..
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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