Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize