Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize