I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
