he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
