she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
