Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
