I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
