In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
