he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
