angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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