Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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