He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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