i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
