walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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