Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
