Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You left your phone here
Wait...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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