i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
