is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
