i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
