He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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