I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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