Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize