I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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