How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
