I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
