Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
