im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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