Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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