Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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