I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
