Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
