I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
