i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
