You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
