I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How external is "for external use only"?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
