Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
