The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
