fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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