apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
