Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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