You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
