Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
