we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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