D3 body, D1 cock
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
