I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
someone threw a dead crab at me
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
