Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
