just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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