On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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