I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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