sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
