apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
