I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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