Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you inspire me to be a worse person
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
