All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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