Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
