I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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