I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
