Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
