I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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