we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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