Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
