My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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