My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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