I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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