based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
