Porn is love you can see.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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