My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
