How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
