I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
