She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
