he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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