Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
