hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
