But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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