Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
