Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize