I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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