My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
