Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
