A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize