Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
