i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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