At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
