...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
