Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So vagazzling was a success
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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