you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
