And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize