i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize