Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
