It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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